i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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