I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
