So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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