im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
