alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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