And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
false alarm, still single
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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