Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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