My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
