the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
