Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
