She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
