you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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