I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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