I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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