Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
