Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
