Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
