thus making me awesome and them whores
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
