So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
