i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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