It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are the jesus of drinking
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
