I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
