you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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