So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
