I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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