First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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