Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
