I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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