I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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