oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
