My first STD was from a foam party
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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