i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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