just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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