you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
