I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
did i walk over a car last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
