I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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