I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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