It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
