she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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