He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
