my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Someone shit on the floor
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
