So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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