Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
