the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
