woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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