I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dick very happy bro
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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