i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
