After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
