Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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