It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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