I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
