so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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