well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
