My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
