my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
