Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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