I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
