forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
