fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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