called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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