I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
