I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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