I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So vagazzling was a success
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
