Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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