I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize