Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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