you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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