im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
