ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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