So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
