What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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