She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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