This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
