Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want her autograph on my taint
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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