I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
