His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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