I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
