Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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